Ficlet: Liam/Louis, bullied.
Dec. 16th, 2018 07:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
magicalrocketshipsANONYMOUS ASKED: Lilo, 9. bullied
Originally posted here.
“Where the fuck’s Liam?” Louis asks, dropping down onto the sofa in the green room. “Isn’t he always the one who’s always, oh my god, do not be late by even one second or else the world will end and I will tell you off?” He pulls his best Liam face. Niall laughs, but he does it at the same time as he’s kicking him in the thigh and telling him to stop being a dick.
Louis isn’t being a dick. It’s just that Liam Payne is the most annoying part of this whole X Factor experience, and he’s annoying and in Louis’ face and worse than all of that, he’s deadly, deadly dull, and practically the easiest person to wind up Louis has met in forever.
“But seriously,” he says, “I’m like, fifteen minutes late. I’ve been hanging round for ten whole minutes just to see if he’ll make that stupid face like his brain’s about to explode, and he’s not even here?”
Harry rolls his eyes. “Liam’s nice.”
“I know,” Louis knows he’s nice. He doesn’t not like him. He just doesn’t get him, or why he’s determined to take every single second of this experience so fucking seriously. “He just does my head in. Where is he, anyway? Even Zayn’s here.”
“Shut it,” Zayn says. “I’m always here.”
“Hmmmm,” Louis says, and then looks over Zayn’s shoulder to the door, where Liam’s coming in. “Where have you been, Payno? We were just having a band meeting about whether or not to chuck you out the band. We’ve voted with letting you go, sorry, you’re too late. You’re out.”
There is a single, desperate moment where terror is scrawled across Liam’s face, so painfully obvious that Louis feels the weight of it across every inch of his skin.
“It was a joke,” Louis says, because Liam looks like he’s about to hyperventilate. “Liam, it was a joke.”
“Fuck you,” Liam says, red-faced, and he turns tail and walks right back out again.
“Lads,” Louis says, looking wildly from Harry to Zayn to Niall. “It was a joke. You know it was a joke, right?”
Niall looks desperately awkward. “Are you going to go after him? One of us should go after him.”
“It was a joke,” Louis says, but he’s clambering to his feet. Guilt weighs him down. “It’s not my fault he can’t take a joke.”
“He got bullied,” Harry says, like Louis hasn’t figured out by himself that Liam is and probably always has been a blatant target for every school bully in a five hundred mile radius. Louis is already half out the door, but he waves a hand behind him to say, I know.
He really fucking knows.
*
It takes him almost twenty minutes to find Liam in the end, and he finds him curled up on a windowsill at the top of the building, knees drawn up to his chin.
“You’re not out of the band,” Louis says, awkwardly. “You should learn never to listen to a fucking word I say. Always fucking ignore me, Liam, I’m all mouth.”
Liam wipes his nose on his sleeve. “Everyone always looks at you,” he says. “They walk into the room and all they see is you. I walk into a room and all I can see is you.”
“Liam–”
“You’re always fucking there,” he says. He rubs at his eyes with his hands. “I think about you almost all of the time, and I can’t make you like me, and I can’t ever make anyone like me, but it’s worse with you. You’re the fucking worst.”
Louis’ heart feels like it’s going to burst right out of his chest. He wants to cry, because he’s the one who made Liam look like this. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why don’t you like me?” Liam asks, and a sob catches in Louis’ throat, because this is the worst. Liam’s been crying, and over something Louis said, and he looks so desperate and so broken that Louis has literally zero idea how to fix it.
“I do like you,” Louis says, and he doesn’t know what to do, so he covers Liam’s fist with his hand. “I was joking, but I’m not funny, I know it. I’m the least funny person ever, and I am so sorry. I never meant to make you cry.”
“I thought i was doing okay,” Liam says, and his voice catches. “I was trying so hard, but I still couldn’t make you like me.”
Louis leans forward until his forehead is resting against Liam’s knee. “I’m sorry,” he says, and he doesn’t mean for what he’s just said. He means for everything, for all the times people have made Liam feel like shit, for all the times he has too, by accident and on purpose and everything in between. “I do like you, I swear.”
There’s the longest, longest time before Liam touches his hand to Louis’ hair. Louis shifts position, his cheek resting against Liam’s thigh. Liam’s eyes are all red. His cheeks are tear-stained.
“What can I do?” Louis asks.
Liam shrugs, and Louis slides his hand into Liam’s, squeezing.
“We do want you,” Louis says. “God, have you heard yourself? You can sing so fucking well, and you’ve got this hair, and you’re cute, okay? You think the rest of us wouldn’t give a fucking kidney to sound like you do? Because we would. I would.”
“I’ve only got one kidney that works,” Liam says, sniffling.
“Well, then,” Louis says. “You could probably do with another one. You can have one of mine if you’ll let me have your vocal range.”
“Louis.”
Liam’s hand is shaking in his. It’s impulse for Louis to lean in and kiss Liam’s cheek. It’s what he does to his sisters when they’re upset. Liam turns his head to the side, just a little, just enough. He breathes against the corner of Louis’ mouth, and Louis nudges forward, one breath, two. He pulls away, but doesn’t let go of Liam’s hand.
Liam ducks his head. “How did you know?” he asks, gaze still down in his lap, and Louis thinks, oh, fuck. “I never told anyone.”
“Me neither,” Louis says. He wraps his hands around Liam’s. “There you go,” he says, and his voice shakes. “That’s a secret in return. That’s what cements a friendship, isn’t it? Sharing your secrets.”
Liam swallows. “Friends?” he asks, softly.
Louis nods. “Friends,” he says, and tries not to concentrate on the memory of an almost-kiss. “Friends until the bitter end, Payno. Can’t get out of it now.”
“Wouldn’t want to,” Liam says, and he almost smiles.
Originally posted here.
“Where the fuck’s Liam?” Louis asks, dropping down onto the sofa in the green room. “Isn’t he always the one who’s always, oh my god, do not be late by even one second or else the world will end and I will tell you off?” He pulls his best Liam face. Niall laughs, but he does it at the same time as he’s kicking him in the thigh and telling him to stop being a dick.
Louis isn’t being a dick. It’s just that Liam Payne is the most annoying part of this whole X Factor experience, and he’s annoying and in Louis’ face and worse than all of that, he’s deadly, deadly dull, and practically the easiest person to wind up Louis has met in forever.
“But seriously,” he says, “I’m like, fifteen minutes late. I’ve been hanging round for ten whole minutes just to see if he’ll make that stupid face like his brain’s about to explode, and he’s not even here?”
Harry rolls his eyes. “Liam’s nice.”
“I know,” Louis knows he’s nice. He doesn’t not like him. He just doesn’t get him, or why he’s determined to take every single second of this experience so fucking seriously. “He just does my head in. Where is he, anyway? Even Zayn’s here.”
“Shut it,” Zayn says. “I’m always here.”
“Hmmmm,” Louis says, and then looks over Zayn’s shoulder to the door, where Liam’s coming in. “Where have you been, Payno? We were just having a band meeting about whether or not to chuck you out the band. We’ve voted with letting you go, sorry, you’re too late. You’re out.”
There is a single, desperate moment where terror is scrawled across Liam’s face, so painfully obvious that Louis feels the weight of it across every inch of his skin.
“It was a joke,” Louis says, because Liam looks like he’s about to hyperventilate. “Liam, it was a joke.”
“Fuck you,” Liam says, red-faced, and he turns tail and walks right back out again.
“Lads,” Louis says, looking wildly from Harry to Zayn to Niall. “It was a joke. You know it was a joke, right?”
Niall looks desperately awkward. “Are you going to go after him? One of us should go after him.”
“It was a joke,” Louis says, but he’s clambering to his feet. Guilt weighs him down. “It’s not my fault he can’t take a joke.”
“He got bullied,” Harry says, like Louis hasn’t figured out by himself that Liam is and probably always has been a blatant target for every school bully in a five hundred mile radius. Louis is already half out the door, but he waves a hand behind him to say, I know.
He really fucking knows.
*
It takes him almost twenty minutes to find Liam in the end, and he finds him curled up on a windowsill at the top of the building, knees drawn up to his chin.
“You’re not out of the band,” Louis says, awkwardly. “You should learn never to listen to a fucking word I say. Always fucking ignore me, Liam, I’m all mouth.”
Liam wipes his nose on his sleeve. “Everyone always looks at you,” he says. “They walk into the room and all they see is you. I walk into a room and all I can see is you.”
“Liam–”
“You’re always fucking there,” he says. He rubs at his eyes with his hands. “I think about you almost all of the time, and I can’t make you like me, and I can’t ever make anyone like me, but it’s worse with you. You’re the fucking worst.”
Louis’ heart feels like it’s going to burst right out of his chest. He wants to cry, because he’s the one who made Liam look like this. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why don’t you like me?” Liam asks, and a sob catches in Louis’ throat, because this is the worst. Liam’s been crying, and over something Louis said, and he looks so desperate and so broken that Louis has literally zero idea how to fix it.
“I do like you,” Louis says, and he doesn’t know what to do, so he covers Liam’s fist with his hand. “I was joking, but I’m not funny, I know it. I’m the least funny person ever, and I am so sorry. I never meant to make you cry.”
“I thought i was doing okay,” Liam says, and his voice catches. “I was trying so hard, but I still couldn’t make you like me.”
Louis leans forward until his forehead is resting against Liam’s knee. “I’m sorry,” he says, and he doesn’t mean for what he’s just said. He means for everything, for all the times people have made Liam feel like shit, for all the times he has too, by accident and on purpose and everything in between. “I do like you, I swear.”
There’s the longest, longest time before Liam touches his hand to Louis’ hair. Louis shifts position, his cheek resting against Liam’s thigh. Liam’s eyes are all red. His cheeks are tear-stained.
“What can I do?” Louis asks.
Liam shrugs, and Louis slides his hand into Liam’s, squeezing.
“We do want you,” Louis says. “God, have you heard yourself? You can sing so fucking well, and you’ve got this hair, and you’re cute, okay? You think the rest of us wouldn’t give a fucking kidney to sound like you do? Because we would. I would.”
“I’ve only got one kidney that works,” Liam says, sniffling.
“Well, then,” Louis says. “You could probably do with another one. You can have one of mine if you’ll let me have your vocal range.”
“Louis.”
Liam’s hand is shaking in his. It’s impulse for Louis to lean in and kiss Liam’s cheek. It’s what he does to his sisters when they’re upset. Liam turns his head to the side, just a little, just enough. He breathes against the corner of Louis’ mouth, and Louis nudges forward, one breath, two. He pulls away, but doesn’t let go of Liam’s hand.
Liam ducks his head. “How did you know?” he asks, gaze still down in his lap, and Louis thinks, oh, fuck. “I never told anyone.”
“Me neither,” Louis says. He wraps his hands around Liam’s. “There you go,” he says, and his voice shakes. “That’s a secret in return. That’s what cements a friendship, isn’t it? Sharing your secrets.”
Liam swallows. “Friends?” he asks, softly.
Louis nods. “Friends,” he says, and tries not to concentrate on the memory of an almost-kiss. “Friends until the bitter end, Payno. Can’t get out of it now.”
“Wouldn’t want to,” Liam says, and he almost smiles.
